I don't know what I am writing for other than I cant sleep at all I tossed and turned in my bed and I did say my nightly prayers but I cant sleep - I even had a hard work out - so my energy is gone but I felt the need to type to think and explore my un- resting mind - what am I going to write about? I don't know anything and everything that comes to mind sporadically in the next few moments.... I don’t care if what I write brings me criticism because it is true and those who laugh at me for this I forgive you. This is my heart these are my thoughts. And if you read this it is who I am.
you know what I wish I was born in 1925 - I would have love to been part of that generation- I think that the type of guys they were back then was more my style - what I wish I could claim and be part of - a group of men who understood class - I respect my grandfathers so much because they were true men not like the pieces of sh*ts of today’s standards - I hate that there are not going to be anymore 50 plus year marriages and that everyone gets divorces it scares me because everyone just quits now -- don't quit work through it all -also - why is there a lack of want to know and appreciate what is already here on earth like - and I mean - the beauty in mountains - forests - rivers and lakes the ocean or art culture, and Religion - there is a lack of want its all MTV or pop culture MORONS we are killing the existence of our creation - man's ability to make what is coarse rough and natural to beauty as in sculptures paintings music and resonance the urge to understand science and the heavens. The beauty in thunder storms - the enjoyment in peace - the peace that came to me in Prayer - it made me realize that some of the vain things I love don’t even matter other than what’s here - out of you people here reading this if anything ask your self have you seen true Beauty – have you watched someone grief over there lost family, watch a child being born realized your insignificance with out God. Or perhaps the great feats of Europe, walked among the ancient ruins of our civilization that spawned and molded most of our modern world - I have - or seen both continental divides on both sides of the US - I have - or tasted ethnic foods in other countries or had an understanding for the divine gift of wine used to celebrate Gods Graces on earth such as weddings birthdays and the honoring of salvation as well as its characteristics, founding principles and its representation in all situations - I have - and please understand I am not rich and this does not make me a better person, God has blessed me - but I see and understand more than most of my peers about what is to be appreciated because I have found the true beauty in life through my misfortunes and trials -- its all about love and admiration for what is simplistic and naturally existing in our world( love honor respect valor art landscapes everything the world has to offer as a substance for human inspiration affliction of passion - I want more I want to see more and experience more - I want to see all of world and teach my future children *** if I am fortunate enough to have children and a wife**** share with my family share with my friends what I know that makes me love this world as much as I hate so many horrible decadent things ---------------WHAT ELSE TO WRITE HMMMMMMMM oh I know -----where to begin - I was in a four year relationship - I would say it was the only serious one I have ever been in – when it ended I found myself slowly finding out more and more about myself a sense of strength came over me falling in love with different things falling in love with what was Important falling in love with God again. I say things because I mean situations objects events places and more - I have enjoyed fishing and being around family and friends even just hanging by myself reading. I never realized how much I love to learn new things or how philosophical I was - I formed a new fascination with figuring out who I was again, I was infatuated with understanding my perception and interaction with my reality - when I left home after high school I thought I found myself in NOLA new Orleans as a frat brother and a student at the university - but the truth was I found just a piece of me but not the real thing I was looking for - and I put this discovery on hold as I was sharing myself with someone - my old companion no more - and now I have discovered so much about me who I am what I respect and admire what I have repented for, sad the tragedy was sad the loss I have felt in myself, but it made me a better person - I learned a lesson to teach others and came back to God as the prodigal son. What I enjoy and what I want to represent. my way of thinking and looking at life - my self awareness - in life - I look at women and realize my perspective on the female -
I think the woman's body is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen - sacred -- not to be abused in anyway -I think that the fragility of a woman is amazing - there mind heart and there existence the very foundation of our humanity and existence - God chose them to be the vessel for life a gift so unbelievable that I had not given proper alms too. The loving nourishment that mothers bring to the children and into the world - why? – I don't know – nor should I know it is through the divinity that God has given us MAN. I find myself admiring the beauty on a regular basis - not in a lustful manner but in respect - I am filled with compassion and awe as I see the small features that bring feelings of emotions & appreciation. Things that I can not understand how or why exactly - not lust for a physical need but passion for understanding why I am so attracted to the feminine features that women have - the small things that make every women attractive on all levels - a soothing soft voice graceful – soft eyes of love like my Mothers – it enchants me - a women walks by and the trailing wakes of a sweet admiration for there ability to be the foundation of morality and the principal of the family. They are the rock of the family as Peter is of the Church. The eyes of a woman can pierce through my heart - I feel that too many of my peers don't see this the way I do.
GOD it is truly an artist that has created a masterpiece. the renaissances artists knew what I meant - they understood.-- for some reason I thought of this today – I don’t know why - to love and admire something is to respect it my late and still alive grandfather always stated this - respect is given to which that you admire and want - so to all women your presence in my world and my reality is something I am thankful for and I hope that I can meet a lady one day to show my admiration too - and I hope my children and little brothers and sister can grow up in a world that I see and that my children if I have any can learn and see what needs to be admired and respected. I hope the youth and next generation of kids don’t fall for the wrong things to admire and respect. I have learned that in love all things come. I have learned so much through my convictions. Life is not ever easy and I pray for understanding of all things to come. God Bless you the reader. . .
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