Don't know just writing my thoughts - again

well its that time again - feeling the need to write - i am sitting here in this room and feeling nostalgic - things change - huh so fast its as if you look back and the only thing that makes you realize how time has past is your memory. i think that it is necessary to remember - to remember pain happiness i think that passion is my greatest attributes - thinking feeling loving loosing - these things that only connect at the instances of conception in our mind the briefness of understanding the assumption that time is fast when in reality it is truly slow then what is the one thing we hold dear at times i feel this creeping anxiety of wondering contemplating about when i accomplish a goal what's left the next one its not enough - what is this life what is everything for no feeling not one thing has true value to me the only thing in my life that is constant is breathing and feeling - we are born to die - the min. we are born our life is ending - so we are always living for the end of everything even for you the reader the end of this story this written inscription of a far reach in the back of my mind - in these readings i am exposing a piece of my hidden mind these writings are the things that i don't ever tell people but wish they already knew about me - and the hardest thing is the fragileness about ones mind and heart its not truly fair that assumption is what describes the perception of any person we meet its as if God designed it this way so that when we meet someone the true inner self of that one person is worth so much - that we start to see the things that make up ones personality the stuff that takes time to know - i think where i mess up with people that i want to introduce myself to is i want to share everything but i understand that reserve-ness is the best way but i am too passionate i want to explode give everything show everything i wish to be the artist and paint the beauty that i see its everything to me then - at this moment i have realized that i am here for so many things yet they do not illustrate them to me i know what i would be happy with but i also know something is missing even a women is not enough i mean something so much more - i wish to live in my dreams to live in things that do not exist i do not care about money though it would be nice to have lots of but something more i thrive of invoking emotion in people i love the satisfaction of affecting one so well = i do not mean manipulation i mean - triggering and not anger though that is desired at certain times and it is wrong but for what i truly want is created realization epiphany in the deepest consciousness of peoples minds -